had extra time today, which was nice. still didn't get enough done. there is always so much. am intrigued by the scottish references through out. and am trying to support the new group. will see what happens with the new query.

beans are evil, bad bad beans

 ~the end~

fun and pleasant day today. sunny and bright in the morning. no time spent outdoors really. but quiet and calm and mellow nevertheless. wonder if i said too much. hard to tell. we'll see what happens.

 ~the end~

yes!!

oh and this....lovely!!

~the end~

i did it. i just hope it doesn't backfire on me. i hope i can put together a fun group of people and keep it going. the other one just does not work. too confining and controlling. how does one find new friends and fans though.

~the end~

what?

i feel so unmotivated. i wish that would pass. somehow living in fantasy-land seems so much more interesting than what has become my real life. it's bright and sunny outside today and i cannot even be bothered to sweep off the porch to sit outside. i shouldn't mention that it's covered in building material that's been there for over two weeks now either.
just when i think i'm having an upward spin, i somehow sink back down into the depths of blah again.
but what IS there to anticipate??

~the end~

give it up already

oh my, what is UP with the constant negativity. no wonder she is so darn unhappy all the time. i wanted to comment something totally mean and horrible, but that doesn't go along with my attempt at positive-ness either.
i might just say "have you seen kc in a pair of tight jeans, hubba hubba" ;-) he can shake his little southern bum in my direction any old day!!! :-)

~the end~

this bugged me for some reason....i think being called ma'am is a wonderful sign of respect. i guess it bugged me a bit when i was younger. but it's either ma'am or miss...and both are quite kind!

from postsecret













~the end~

the day after

had a lovely time...just me, huge glass of wine and a couple of fun scots! even if i didn't sleep much...it's okay :-)

~the end~

the things

a far more pleasant day today. so what is so different?? the mister is still wound up, but atm, he's off for the night, so maybe that's the change. i was in need of a night alone (as it were)? i'm immersed in all things scot and ginger and blonde and fair!

and the young thing at the shop today, young mister blonde curls and hardly legal, OH MY GAWD, the flirty young thing...."chicks dig the curls". to which my reply is "yep".

~the end~

volcano

FOXNews.com - Volcanic Ash Cloud Halts Flights Across Europe

i think this is just creepy. i guess it's all the crazy end of the world as we know it movies i've watched over the years. the ice and the earthquakes and the volcanoes. it's just strange...
i think this is why i cannot watch that survivors show, it's just a bit too close to home. i tuned in the other night and they were going to hang someone. i flipped the channel before i saw whether or not they did it. that sort of stuff is just far too realistic.
if the dinosaurs come thru a shiny sparkly anomaly, i'm off ;-)

~the end~

argh

dumb dumb dumb! no wonder you're like that after staying up till all hours...what the heck is up with that!! and now i have to do the chores you were meant to do but didn't cos you couldn't be freaking bothered!

~the end~

it's so wrong to be so fed up with all of this. i just don't get it. all these years, he's seen him more in the last 3 weeks than in the last 3 yrs i bet. despite my being beckoned there, he hardly even acknowledged me. i just do not get it!!!


~the end~

an ode to may

born in springtime when flowers are new to the trees
she greeted us with a cheery smile and a wave
always asked about my babies
watched them grow, remembered their names
she observed the world from her front porch rocker
compared flowers and weather over shopping carts and walks
a bright and sunny spring day, pink blossoms and freshly green trees
dear may is remembered and missed already

~the end~

dream

i was in a limo with L going somewhere and we were hit from behind. R called me to ask how i was doing later and i told him i was fine but a bit spooked. then i went to L's and held a very large baby with only a diaper on....and he was very sweet but far too large. i asked if L wanted me to sign papers regarding something and she was very worried that i was hurt.

~the end~

mereness

how does it go each day, that no matter how calm i am to start in the end, it comes out feeling wrong. i can't really blame them. they are mere children. i am the one who should have learnt restraint. the one who needs to back up and hush up. i don't know if it's worse now or i am more aware.
it comes to wanting it all at once and yet not wanting anything at all sometimes. yet i have it all and what happens is my own making.

~the end~

more-ever

whatever day. wanted to read, but not inspired. wanted to rest, and spend time with things. no energy or happiness. blah blarg and all that. not sure about writing. just keep doing and moving and hoping to get thru another day and time.

~the end

blah blah

so where else can i say this? it's all crazy here sometimes. all i want to do is curl up and in a corner and be left alone!!

~the end

monday

funny day. everyone else seems to be in a hurry at times. change in barometer maybe but odd strange uptight while driving back from preschool. nice chats with teachers and K from moms club. worked out to help with sale next week. last year got lots of girly's summer-fall clothes there. never sure if i quite belong with those teachers though. felt awkward when everyone had left the other day and it was just me and girly and the other class. but thought they would say something. so i asked and it's okay so long as the teacher is okay with it. which i guess they are!!
bright and sunny want to read but my mind is racing. trying to decide about writing and blogging (which i did cos this is here)....again.

~the end~

sundays

edgy day. not so good. too much happening and yet not happening or being said. i don't like feeling like this at all. hope too much was not said. cannot take back words and must remember to say less at times (esp to family like M). just fed up not having anyone to talk to anymore. losing faith in all things now. getting up and going thru each day is def more difficult and a chore. some mornings nothing to anticipate, no excitement. the same blah and dull daily days. each one without sparkle except for a few bright smiling faces who are all quite small.

~the end~

the weekend

calm day really. slept in watched dvr shows. chilly outside. day passed by far too quickly. still nothing going on with him.

~the end~

really busy morning. met P for coffee last minute. i listened to her and i think she felt better. seeing her again was fun, but really put me behind. and i came home really hungry and caffeine hung over. hate that feeling. and when i get back i just want to sleep and i can't cos so much is just going on. i wish i felt like i slept better at night. it just doesn't work that way anymore. too much whirling in my head even when i take something to help me!!

~the end~

change of plans after play ground. spent a couple of hours at P's which was lots of fun!! more for girly than me since P & i didn't get to talk too much without being interrupted by little miss petunia. but it was nice sitting outside in their pretty back yard. the birds were singing. the air was warm and the sun was shining! and i had P's sunny pleasant happy chatter.

~the end~

boomshakalakaboomboomboomboom in the car with the kids was amazing!

~the end~

the anticipation

up early, headache again. lots of sun and a warm day. a rather calmer visit than i had anticipated. it went well, thankfully. headache and stress better!

~the end~

so blue

trying to be calm amidst not feeling well. blue belt ceremony was good. the boy is cute!!

~the end~

easter

odd day, no church for me. i know i feel disillusioned with all of it. belief still but too many other factors involved.

~the end~

florida

up and down, pleasant times in the end. really long car drive. kids calmer than usual at times but everyone wishes to be out of the car. mostly relaxing time to read and play and walk and observe. enjoyed finishing book sat on a wooden swing overlooking the lake. lovely view, cool sounds, like breeze

~the end~