shakes head

sometimes i don't get it. okay, most of the time i don't get it. if your friend is toxic, then dump her or fix her. if the toxic friend causes you that much distress but is a means to the other nice friend, then find a way around it. cos it's not a packaged deal.
and yes, girlfriend, you are often the mean girl.
you're a lot like the toxic friend at times, with the negative comments and unkindnesses.
friends support one another, all.the.time!

~the end~

how it feels

the quietness of the morning sun
confuses and confounds me.
my senses demand action.
noise.
chaos.
alert and expectant,
i wander the rooms of my mind
anticipating,
knowing the silence is also emptiness

~the end~

yes please

a crazy day today, it was fun, but sometimes i just wish i could stay indoors and not have to go out and be social. i'm sure there's something in that sentence worth analyzing, but it's just too much now!
sometimes i just need to take a deep breath, or two, or three!!
another one today, it makes my world spin!! :-)

 ~the end~

what's really in my head today

mangled thoughts
twisted and pulling me out and around
nothing to grasp onto
bits from here and there
tangled web in my twisted mind
song lyrics movie quotes
book passages
silly and serious
tv word buzzlines
phrases comments updates scattered
images captured  briefly from the corner of my vision
just out of reach
the crack in the wall shivers
whisper of the trees
the leaves branches sing out of sync

~the end~

totally random

new music, i love new music. one new cd in full (videos by mistake, but that's okay). and a few other miscellaneous songs i will sort through later.

new house tonight, exciting to have something else to finally watch. new being human i have to watch again since it was too freaky the first time the other night. too late to watch spooky vamps (even cute irish ones with fangs and blood) and doors closing on ghosts. i scanned thru it cos i had to see what happened....

did watch inspector lewis, inspector hathaway is HOT.HOT.HOT in those jeans and his blonde curls!!

boring books to read, i want to read something compelling. must finish this dragon tattoo book before sunday. not sure how or when that's gonna happen. too many other dull and mundane things to accomplish this week....and that doesn't include laundry at all!!

~the end~

random thoughts

she just could not imagine where her life would be now. the things that would be different. the places she might be, the things she might not have done, the person she would not have become. she just couldn't comprehend how much she had gained by walking out and way from that one situation so many years ago. she wondered how she even got there to begin with. how she got caught up into what she thought was love but now realised was nothing like love at all. to have been blinded by nothing more than hope and dreams. some things are good and some things are bad, and some things are just necessary to what makes her who she became.


"As time goes by reality
Destroys your hope and dignity
There's nothing left but shadows on the wall
But just remember who you are
And where you've been you've come so far
And never ever let them see you fall
I don't believe in miracles
I don't believe in truth
I don't believe that anything can recreate your youth"
orchestral manoeuvres in the dark
"walking on the milky way"

whatever!!!!!

i'm apparently in a pissy mood. what is wrong with LIKING christmas decorations at the store! why is everyone so wound up about it. and why does it bug me so much that they are. so i removed the offending post and am going to just copy/paste status shuffle items for a bit. i really want to post "well f**k off the lot of you anti-christmas people". but of course i won't cos i'm too nice. probably too nice for my own freaking good!!

ticks me the hell off!!

~the end~

TGiF

it's friday and i have NOTHING TO DO! i'm trying to figure out how i want to spend my 90 mins of freedom. usually i get sucked into doing the insipid household chores...the things that take 5 mins each but then after doing 10 of them and my time is GONE! it's like when you go to the store, have time when you get home, but don't really, you have to put all the food away, pack away the gifts...clean up the breakfast dishes, mop the floor, fold a basket of laundry....blah blah blah!! it makes for a nice tidy guest friendly house, but not for a happy contented mama!

i'm planning to start my wii fit and walking next week, when my lower back calms down some. i don't want to push it over the edge so i can actually walk next week! i'll walk the oval track by the college, and not the ups and downs of the streets with the cars playing hit the walker!

so i am thinking i will finish my book with a nice coffee and maybe lunch on the back deck.

~the end~

observations

not sure what's up with all the traffic monitor wires. does this mean they're going to change speed limits or traffic patterns? and the township added some red and white stripes to the stop sign by the corner yesterday. it's all buckled and ripped though! looks really natty, i want to peel it off and put it right! ;-)

there were decorated christmas trees and other decorations and hallmark ornaments at kohl's today, HURRAY! and it's still a bit more than 3 months until the big day. i despise halloween for its garish disgusting display of evilness. i don't need or want that in my house. i skip those decorations and head right for thanksgiving harvest items now. and then of course, it's just a prelude to christmas!! :-)

the library is so totally full of books that i want to read. i went in to return two books and pick up a reserve. then i made the mistake of wandering around the fiction section. is it sad that i wanted to get out so many books? i've got heaps at home to read. i think i might finish this book club read and then the gabaldon and maybe hit the library for a few months! ;-)

~the end~

yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir

after having blogged for many years, i am blogging for myself. and like an epiphany i realised what i disliked about the whole blogging mom community. it's all about approval. we read one another's blogs, we comment on one another's blogs, we join various communities for mommie bloggers, over 40 bloggers, larger family bloggers etc. and in the end, it's all about recognition. i used to spend so much time visiting other blogs that it was cutting into my own blogging time, time with my family and friends and reading/writing time.

then i tried the writing blogs. but it's the same thing. read me, comment on me, hold my hand, support me, critique me. although i still write to the prompts and i still visit some of my favourite writers. but i rarely comment.

maybe that's what's so good about facebook. the "like" button. sometimes that is what is needed. yes, i like this...nothing wrong with that.

but ya know, i also realised i do want to be liked. i want my comments to be approved on another mom's blog. and what's with the "you have to comment so many times before i approve you", now that's some kind of control issue! and the whole "follow me" trend, sorry, that's what we used to do when we added the bloggers we read all the time. i still read those on my google reader, but i am not going to be "approved follower". damn, it's like HS all over again!!!

ack!!

~the end~

and you're not out!

third time was the charm apparently!! :-)

stressed mom from friday's coffee showed up too, but was feeling better, especially after having talked to T whose child is in the same school programme. and then M from the spring playground playdates was there, so we were four! and then C arrived, which surprised me cos i don't think she's ever come to anything! i often wonder why she even joined the moms club!

i enjoyed chatting to M, and she mentioned being free for coffee at other times. so i will email her and set something up, just for the two of us. i like her a lot, and her girl and my girl get along well. maybe an after lunch playdate is due for the girls!! :-)

put more money in the meter, stayed late (thankfully the meter gal doesn't make the rounds very often) and only managed one errand.

so more things to do tomorrow in my short amount of time, but NO coffee till next week i think! i need to catch up on this to-do list!!

another back to school night this evening. last night's was good, funny to meet so many moms i knew there, after all these years.

~the end~

met P for coffee this morning, new place to try out. i splurged and went for a large vanilla latte! we sat outside, in the little patio, but she was miffed about a woman who singing. that made me laugh, cos the woman's two toddlers were wandering around. and while neither the toddlers nor the singing bothered me, i realised that in this one instance, i was the mellow one. usually it's ME who's bothered by petty things. i am trying NOT to be. maybe the herbs are working.

but just this once, i wanted to just enjoy the hour. i wanted to just chat and soak up the sunshine with a bit of autumn in the air.

i guess i felt as though she was raining on my parade (that's the polite me, haha). especially after friday's coffee was disappointing. not bad, but a downer. on friday the other mom was obviously in need of support, which M and i gave, over and over. but at some point, the grown up thing to do is to back off, suck it up and let someone else talk. i didn't get to say a word about sending my girl off to kindergarten on friday. or how i was overwhelmed. like i told the hubster, if it had been the first time, i probably would have been kinder in my mind, but since she did this at book club a few months back, i'm less apt to be as forgiving.

so maybe third time's the charm??
 
~the end~

this is it

feeling blah....the weather...my head...another sunday. another freaking bloody sunday!

wishing i could focus more, it's the blasted caffeine. helps the head but wreaks havoc on the concentration. so haven't been doing much today except flitting from one task to another and really accomplishing nothing at all. i want to read my book. am hoping i can concentrate enough for that.
.
this week i want to walk at least two days and maybe write about 1000 words on the story that keeps whirling in my head. even if it's just free writing, no corrections. that is harder for me. but maybe if i allow the free write, and then edit the next day i will be able to get something written. feel like i'm doing something useful with the bits of words that float in my head.

am going to try to work out a way to write an outline first, or maybe list out ideas. or write out the names and ideas i have for the characters. or DO something positive finally.

two back to school nights this week. i think i can manage that, then it's over and done with!!

~the end~

sunny saturday

hyped up on caffeine today. reading and just being lazy. it's nice to finally do that! just having bitty things in the house to accomplish while the kids play and act lazy. there will be time soon enough for busy saturdays, projects and activities that keep us from being calm!!

think i will drag them down to play a game or do something together at least. something worthwhile before they toddle off to play on their own or outside!

~the end~

last day, it's nearly done! :-(

the last day of summer vacation! it's sad. i'm sad. still have loads to do and haven't really made a dent. but there's still a few hours. i want to get the boys down here to spend the time together, but they want to do runescape and computer games!! ;-)

so here we are at the beginning of another new school year. exciting!! i have one graduating from each school as well. the big one of course will be the HS graduation...

~the end~

the vampires, they have snagged me. yeah, the sparkly ones are good. i wish they had a bit more hot and steamy to them. i like the faeries of merry gentry's world too! those are some WOW moments in print for sure.

but i really DO think, the hottest vampire is mitchell of being human fame. it's the whole package...and he's irish! if he was a scot, i'd be in a puddle on the floor of course! ;-)





*thanks to youtube and the bbc and the irish vampire*
~the end~

and one more thing

two vents from yesterday's events.....

the gal who seems to think it's all about her family's stuff. it's someone else's wedding, deal!

the adults who cannot seem to manage more that one challenge at a time. please tell me HOW you raised your kids to deal with things SO well! (and the grown up kids deal just fine for the most part).

and the gal who said she wouldn't wear stockings in this heat! meanwhile i'm thinking that i wear stockings because it's a rather formal occasion and without them i'd look half dressed. to ME, it's unladylike to go barelegged, unless it's a sundress with sandals (which neither our outfits were). and she didn't bring snacks or entertainment for her kids, wondered why i did and then 2 hrs later offhandedly commented that she saw why i brought books and handhelds for my kids (who sat quietly while hers ran amuck).

i know i know...whatever! ;-)

 ~the end~

and they kissed, mamma!

AHA! it's DONE!
OVER!
fini!
complete!!

well THANK goodness for that. all the months of planning and it was a good day. girlchild did well, she was well behaved, cute, funny, amusing and adorable! she posed and smiled and laughed for hours. the boys were patient and silly and ate and danced.

it was good!

with only little craziness at the reception (not mine/ours, thankfully).

so now it's on to the next event, back to school!
GROAN!
i will miss them!

on the other hand....it will break up the day a lot! ;-)

 ~the end~

the end of our week!

survived the wedding rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. minimal amount of chaos, at least for us. am hoping it's calm for tomorrow!! and that girlchild does well. don't want to make her too anxious! :-)

we had our first experience with hurricane evacuation. not that i really want to to it again. it was rather scary thinking of what could happen. thankfully it seemed to have done minimal damage. at least from what i can read on the news!! who knows how the beach looks though!! at least we were planning on coming home anyway, so not too bad, really! still, would have been nice to have had another few days there.

~the end~