feeling hotHOThot....

there's been a lot of moaning and complaining on here lately. i've been tending to just write and email my remarks rather than sit down and (waste?) spend time writing and thinking. although i really do NOT have the time to spend, it's been so busy at home. i sit and i look at the computer screen and think "i should write" but i haven't nothing more than vents and rants and complaints. and since i have NO ONE else to say them to, i can't post them to facebook, afterall who wants to read that rubbish in their live feed. and since no one reads this drivel, i guess it's as good a forum as any?
so why alex o'loughlin? well for one, he looks totally awesome in this pic. for two, his tats are real, which is very hot in my book. and three, cos he makes me think of summertime and hawaii. and those abs, just heavy sigh!
it's february, and lacking in my annual obsession, mr o' makes my list today!! :-)
~the end~

dos by doux

smallest child sick, not fun spending so many hours in the ER! too many sick kids, too much wasted time, too much to do....not enough time!!

and it's another digit day....22/2  :-)

 ~the end~

the party's over

or so it seems....another weekend nearly over. another month dragging by! the warmth really spoiled us for the cold. winter needs to be GONE already. i long to sit outside again, not have layers and layers of clothing. and finally, to feel BETTER!! the sun improves my mood so much. i just want to pin my face to the window and soak it all up.

 ~the end~

just NO!!

omg, this chica is so sick of everyone around her whining and whinging about all the woes of their lives. just get on with it already!! the one at storytime declaring herself mother of the year, then not allowing comment on our lives cos her friend has to adopt? well what about the rest of us?? and then the friend who tells this chica all about not wanting to be a mean girl, but she IS a damn mean girl!! she talks behind our backs, so why are we tolerating her?? and then she takes this chica out cos she complained once about something. and she totally ignores the attempt to apologise! see if this chica even makes the effort next time, get your own ride bimbo!! not gonna happen!!
~the end~

facts?

i knew i liked our school so much better than the other one in town. and now i def do!! our kids get so much more, and i realised that's a fact!! it's a shame that all the schools don't work with the kids to get them prepared for middle school. i know things have changed since we started at this school. so perhaps parental involvement plays a part? maybe those parents are less available? certainly both parents in our school work as well, and a few miles hardly makes an attitude change. i'd really like to know.

~the end~

thank goodness this week is nearly over. i am really looking forward to a lie in tomorrow and maybe finishing a book or just watching some tv. what a busy crazed week!!!


~the end~

wildness contained

i anticipated a craZy chaotic insane day, and it was busy, but it was okay. i mentally ticked off the items that needed doing. each time i did, i felt closer to the end of the day which was meant to finish with a glass of wine. in reality, by the time i was really done, cleared up and organised, it was too late to have the wine and i just went to bed!!
but the shopping was complete, two loads of laundry were done, snacks for girl scouts bought, we got to girl scouts and to the artshow. and it all came together!!
i think the mentally psyching myself up for the day helped a lot. so did listing out all the items i needed to get thru, and then running a pen line thru them afterwards. it's a record of all the things i accomplished in a way!!

 ~the end~

yep..ranting allowed because i can!

nothing to say, no one to say it to, and fed up trying to say it clearly and succinctly. i guess it's just been one of those kinds of weeks!! :-(
lots to do, always. like walking up a down escalator...i have things on my to-do list for every day this week. just trying to tick them off slowly and get some of it all done.
everyone is bugging the heck outta me. i just wish i could get things done without the constant and incessant interruptions!!!
and everything is still irking me, i cannot wait for that to pass!!
and to the gal on fb who was moaning about having to do 6 loads of laundry on sunday cos she was SO sick last week. hello girlfriend, i was sick last week, and still managed at least 2 loads EACH day. cos a cold is not enough to lay me up in bed, like you, who has both kids in school and takes off work but cannot toss in a load a day? who also has her girls to help her fold...
get over it already!!

 ~the end~

vday

another disappointing hallmark holiday! it's like my birthday in a way, i expect far too much and always feel let down. the kids were fine, giving kisses and wishing me happy valentine's day, the girl made lots of cards for us and her brothers, which was sweet. the party at school was fun! i wish i could have gone to the boys' parties though....just not possible.
the flowers helped a bit, but it is what it is, as they say!!

~the end~

imagined

there he is again, just at the edge of her consciousness
underneath the reality that she sees
blue eyes
or brown?
he looks away, just enough to catch her attention
not really seeing her but looking out
for her?
for someone?
the bell rings and another walks past
distracting her from the image just outside
the window fogged over and the rain slides down
pools at her feet and runs to the bricks in the centre

 ~the end~

a note, of sorts

write a letter to yourself a year from now. what things are happening right now that you won't want yourself to forget?

she would want to remember the feelings of frustration over not being able to get things done in a timely manner. and the need to have it all done now and not later.

she would want to recall watching her oldest son get taller than herself. and his attitude change from child to adult and then back to child in the blink of an eye. she would want to remember how pretty the snow looked on the ground when it reflected in the very early morning winter sunshine. she would want to remember how beautiful her daughter looked and how proud she was of her when she went up on stage so bravely and gave her reply to the actress on stage.

she would want to remember the winter music concert and how her son was first trumpet and how proud he was of that, and how proud she was! how impish her youngest son was and how truly funny he was as well.

she would want to remember how much her second born tried to make everything work out right and how hard he worked to help his younger siblings get things right. and how sweet he was!
 ~the end~

where's it gone?

finally the end of a long and rather blah week. quiet and calm which is probably good given that next week will be rather busy and hectic. nice to not have any snow this past week and to have some warmer temps as well. saw some sunshine and even the grass is uncovered in places around town!

i know i said i was going to do an image prompt but i just cannot seem to put thoughts to keys on that one, not tonight anyway. this must be my less productive creative week. i cannot even get the words on paper since i am so distracted. it's not ideal, but i'm assuming the mojo will return in a few days. i was writing ahead but that's not been happening much anymore.

i'm like that crazy sleeping tablet commercial -- "if your racing thoughts are keeping you awake", those thoughts just surround me day in and day out.

*eta-- and now the darn posts aren't posting when i email them so i have to come back and put copy/paste them from my email, they're getting lost in email oblivion apparently, blah*

 ~the end~

yippeee!

found my book out in the garage this morning!! must have left it out there on the shelf when i was waiting to get the girl off the bus!! she was sick and so i rushed her indoors and totally forgot. glad i found it, not that i've had time to read today. between the doc and the pampering and the valentines and the homework and the dinner...yeah, right, read? what IS that!!

i miss summer! i could read in summer! i could sleep in summer!! okay, yeah, it was HOT and we were always covered in sunscreen, but at least we could go outside and sit, go to the park, the playground, for a walk!

totally over this winter lark!!
done it!!

38 days till spring...or at least till something that resembles spring returns! not too long! ;-)

tomorrow i am totally going to do a prompt writing on that rocker chair porch picture...it's SO pretty!!

and ooh, someone's been visiting my little blog here...HI!!! :-)


 ~the end~

not today you won't

i hate when the kids are sick. i hate when i am sick at the same time! mama isn't allowed to be sick. it's not in the rulebook. the boys are easy compared to when the pinkgirly is sick. i hate that she IS sick of course. i want her to be well. i want her to go to school for the big 100th day celebration. but she's SICK! :-(


and i feel gross still. and my tooth, that the darn dentist fixed, hurts!


i hate dentists.


i just wanna be sick, all by myself!


SERIOUSLY!!!


~the end~

so...

so what was, never will be again? a quote from some movie or tv show i've watched probably. it only ever makes sense in my head. i guess it always ever will. i don't know why i try to keep making it work when the way it's going is probably just fine! let them be the way they are, and then move on to whatever else there is!!!


~the end~

wotsit

this is me, with my heart shaped rose coloured glasses. peering into the world hoping and praying that the person who peers back at me has some idea how to make me smile. how to make me happy is such a hard thing lately. it feels as though it's an ongoing issue, even more so now that i am a grown up than when i was a child.




~the end~

walkingincircles

well that was a totally strange get together. it was fine for a bit, but then suddenly it just fell apart. i felt attacked by B and i can't understand why she brought up something from so long ago. and why must she always compare everyone to SJ!! i think she's the one who has the basket of friends, with room for one only when she pushes one out onto the floor!! she sure does have enough to say to everyone else and about everyone else. but i knew this already.

and the whole "turn left" meaning "turn right"! omg. come on already!

so let's see next time if i take the time to go out of my way to pick her up. she can just meet us somewhere!!

and then S with her zingers. and then "i'm sorry" this morning...i don't want to say anything to her ever cos she bursts into freaking tears at the drop of a hat.

i just cannot be bothered with any of them. at all.

i'm wondering if i can just email D and try to meet up with HER cos we never seem to have these issues. and then they all want to go away overnight together? omg, NO, that is SO not gonna happen!


~the end~

the things we say

so what is everyone's obsession with me being nice? how come some people (okay, mostly i mean women) can say exactly what's on their minds and totally get away with it? how is it when someone says something unkind to me i keep my mouth shut and don't say what it is that i think??
why is my mil such a heartless mean spirited evil biotch?? i know the reason i don't say anything mean back to her, eventhough i deserve to tell her off repeatedly!! my mother taught me to be polite and kind to older people since they deserve our respect! and i know my mil taught her children well since they are all good people but why she is so nasty is beyond my understanding!!
~the end~

mooted rhetorically

so there it was! i wrote it all out, being kind, or at least a little kind. she just irritates me!! i haven't sent it yet.

why should i have to defend myself? why do i always have to be THE one!!

just shut up and get over it!!!

edited to add (eta) -
later:  i feel much better now. am sure i will not send it. although i might possibly send a very cleaned up version of it. i feel obliged to state my pov, but am not sure that doing so when i am upset is ever a good course of action!! no one else has really addressed her issues, it's usually me. and even S is getting fed up with it. though i'm not sure if that is all her, or my ranting/venting influence. what would i counsel myself to do???

 ~the end~

to say or not to say?

so there's all sorts of chatter about shutting down the internet. even grey's anatomy had a twitter subplot, and we all seem to enjoy passing on tidbits and facts we find online. we use it everyday, despite the viruses. some people complain that it's making less of conversation, but if anything, i feel more connected, more aware. face to face conversations might be better, but in some situations they could even be passé.

i don't understand the objections to facebook vs email. a friend insists that facebook is BAD. it's destroying her computer. yet, she's the one with dozens of apps on her facebook page, who forwards all the jokes and stupid links WITH everyone's email addresses included. goodness knows what she clicks on despite repeated warnings to NOT click on anything. you can be safe. so long as you know what's what. but she doesn't take the time to even make sense of it. she calls my helpful advice "technobabble" and then condemns us all to changing to facebook instead of emails. but WHY do we fall for her? why do we feel guilty when she's the only one of our group who's complaining? i always seem to have these foolish women in my life.

~the end~

miscellaneous nothings

so much going on, slipping thru and in my head. i can hardly keep up. the dental stuff, just evil. i won't even talk about it. since talking just evokes fear and pain and sadness. so i say nothing until the day i have to deal with it. i do detest the dentist. i know i could and should do better than this one. but i'm not sure HOW to find this perfect illusionary dental personage!!

am thinking of acupuncture again. maybe that would help. wonder who's good in the area. i wanted to snag the woman at the dentist and ask who she sees. all the alternative medical places are so expensive.

there is silence in the library again tonight!

 ~the end~

on hearts and flowers

it must not be catching me the right way this year. usually i love valentine's day. last year, the girl and i made a valentine's day banner, we started cards really early so she'd be done in time...we made red and pinks hearts to put up around the house and we talked valentine's day a lot! :-)

this year, for me, not so much!! :-(

i pulled out the handmade decorations from last year, she doesn't even remember making them!! i'll string the banner up tomorrow. there's a pile of valentines to sign sitting on the table. she's signed the ones for school. i will probably write on most of the TO names. she can do the rest. there are 19 names to write. that's a lot for anyone her age!!

i remember years ago getting all jazzed about it. making cookies with my mom, valentines for my mom and dad, my nan and aunties. it wasn't about boys and love to me back then. it's probably the same for my girl. at least for now, at her age.

it didn't become about love and romance till high school i think. and then it was the holiday i wanted to forget. and then it was fun for a bit when i had someone, and then no one and then someone again!!

tomorrow we're going to make at least a couple cards for family and friends. there's a card making set i got for her to use. the boys don't care at all. they just want a chocolate bar or a sweet. she wants the whole thing!! :-)

and me, i want a handmade card from the kids (or just her)...a bought one from hubby...and maybe a chocolate! ;-)


~the end~