rose coloured paris

the air smelled clean and clear, though the rain was wet and squishy under her feet. by the end of the weekend, her new black boots would be ruined. but she hoped she would have some insight into the wonders of paris, the sights and the sounds.
the wine and the pommes frites, the crepes with nutella, all of it would become part of her memory of paris. her visits to the shiny city were a decade apart and the events never overlapped. croissants and hot tea, hot chocolate and parisienne crusty bread along the seine. riding the elevator to la tour eiffel, and walking up the side of montmartre.
the engagement, the wedding, the movies, the laundromat. more wine and cheese. round pillows, old black and white movies in french.



~the end~

what was

the end of the week was much appreciated, the snow was crazy!! but the weekend is not long enough. saturday was a little wild, sunday was a bit calmer. things were accomplished, items were ticked off the to-do list. all good things.

revisiting old haunts never did anyone, including myself, any good. it's like pouring salt on a wound that just won't seem to heal. watching the bad parts of a movie or the news over and over again, repeating it in your head. it doesn't solve one thing. though i'm not sure what would solve it? it's not like i can tell anyone. no one else would get it, and i won't divulge the past to anyone who wasn't present in it.

i no longer feel as though i am lying when i don't mention it at least. i like that part. and i try not to bring it up on conversation when it might be relevant. better to say nothing than introduce the topic into anyone's head again.

~the end~

time

you can't hurt me anymore, but you do, just by existing. the words you said so long ago have stuck in my head, mostly the bad ones of course. the hurtful things you did and said. the time you choked me, left a mark. and i went back. i gave it a chance. i gave you chance. the times i wished i hadn't chosen that path. wished i had passed you over. but i didn't. you change my life in so many ways. it took me a long time to recover. but i did. my life grew. my world evolved. i have so much more. so many better things. i would be nowhere now if i were still with you. i don't want you back. i'm content with you having been part of where i needed to be now. part of that process of realising what i didn't want to know what i did want.
and what i want, is what i have NOW!!

  ~the end~

yep

is it bad to feel envy over the quiet and peace she has
or the excitement of leaving and trying something new?
the craziness is nice, the chaos is nice
sometimes
the rest of the time it's just not


~the end~

snowsprings

a crazy day!! snow mixed with kids at home mixed with having to go out for an appointment does not make for much relaxation. plus i always feel as though i have a million things to do, or at least a dozen at a time. deadlines and paperwork and emails and lists and organising a calendar that seems to overlap far too much!!

the snow did look pretty this morning. of course it's a bugger to drive in. but so long as you have nowhere to go and nothing to do, it's just peachy!!

only 52 days till spring!! :-)

 ~the end~

favourite words

earlier i was thinking about some of my favourite words. and that when i read books i will stop to look up a word and then try to use it. i'm a word hag i know...but i love words and writing!!
there's a save the word challenge...and that made me think even more about my favourite words. i mentioned it on twitter and people just replied with words that they used often.
i meant cool words, amazing words, words that speak to you!

fascinating words like -- nadir, juxtaposition, lugubrious, precipice, loquacious, salacious, hubris
~the end~

lit up

the view from the edge of the bridgewalk into the city was wondrous. she never tired of the lights glinting in the evening light. the busy-ness of the city excited her. the scents and sounds, they drew her in. this city, her city, it had enthralled her for years. 
from a time in her youth, she longed to visit. when she did. she loved it so much she moved her whole life there. she became part of the city then, but then she'd had to move away. and she missed it, longed for it again.
years later, she visited once more, it wasn't quite the same feeling. a fleeting trip through the city, a few key sights with a friend. she wanted to immerse herself there again. but she had other commitments, a life elsewhere, responsibilities. 
then again, some years passed and she visited again, this time for a longer period. not in the city, but living within access of the city. she visited a few times, not quite a part of it, but within a suburb. she loved it. she wanted to spend more time in her city again. but again, the responsibilities, even though they were with her, called to her, kept her from totally absorbing the city.
and so she left again, saddened by her departure and longing for one more outing in the city she loved. she returned the following year, for a few days this time. on her way to a new city. another city filled with friendly sights and friendly faces. 
but still, her city calls to her. she knows routes and street names. she recognises buildings and monuments. she revels in stories from her city. she surrounds herself with memories of her city.
and she will return!


~the end~

official secrets act

what would MY secret be??


i like to show off my knowledge of computers to my mom friends. it makes me feel like i learned something in all these years that i haven't worked outside the house!


i like to re-shelve books at the library.
(this isn't technically a secret since i've told another mom friend who is a volunteer at the library, she told me she does the same thing).


i love to buy cheap paper journals and diaries. i rarely write in them, but write on slips of paper and shove them inside the books or glue them onto the pages. or i write here.


one day i hope my mother in law will ask my forgiveness. i like to tell everyone how horrible she is hoping it will get back to her and make her feel guilty.

~the end~

picture it

"do you remember me," his blue eyes implored her.
"well, yes i do," she sniffed a laugh and wondered why he thought she wouldn't.
"i was there too, and it was quite memorable," she thought. she wanted to say that aloud. but of course she wouldn't. she wasn't that sure how to proceed with him. he was still looking at her, as though he wanted to say something more. but maybe she was supposed to say something more. she just wasn't sure.
she longed to say to him, "take me to that room again, make me feel that way again. talk to me and then tell me more, but don't tell me about her, i just can't bear to hear it," but of course she wouldn't.
not yet.

  ~the end~

changes??

there are a few things in this world that i would love to have. a nice relaxing vacation, free from stress and sickness, and without the bother of storms or the frustration of packing and driving and unpacking and cooking.
i would like a house that is completely fixed and updated, without the constant hassle of redoing, revamping, replacing and no more water drips!! and maybe toilets that plunge themselves. (i am pleased to have a hubby who does SO many of the fix-its in the house too!)
i'd like a larger kitchen, complete with comfy eat in area, the granite countertops hubby so desires and my aga, in aubergine! and maybe an aga gas insert stove (or something like it) to look pretty in the family room.
i'd love a self mowing lawn, and a self shovelling driveway/sidewalk.
i once asked for self navigation in the car, i've got that now in the gps, so that's taken care of!! so long as it puts me on the right side of the road, it's good!
i'd like the chance to read all the books in my bookcase, maybe in the next five years. and also the chance to read thru the dozens of magazines before i get more!!
i'd like to hear my mother's voice again, and give her a kiss and have her meet all of my babies! and in that same thread, i'd like to kiss my nan, my granddad, my auntie maggie...hug my friend K and tell her i've missed her.
i'd like to tell R exactly what i feel and not get all tongue tied. i'd love to tell K all the things i've thought over the years.
and i'd like to live a long and happy life, surrounded by the mayhem that has now become my life!

so i guess i wouldn't change too much dramatically! ;-)
~the end~