summer days

another day of summer. it seems as though this summer is passing so quickly. esp after all the time i spent looking forward to these days, i hate that they're passing by so fast. i want to do SO much. but the heat and humidity. i always forget about the depth and width of that.
i love having the pool in the backyard. having the kids outside, safe and in my sights. not having to drag them across town to the local pool. all those germs. although i never tell anyone that's one of the reasons i wouldn't like the local pool!!
despite feeling so anxious all this morning and tense at lunch time, it was a nice visit with P and the boys today. she seemed less critical, but i also didn't try to chat too in depth about anything.
and i tried NOT to moan/complain.
what b said the other week about me being hard to maintain bothered me. i know i do often talk about the specifics of things sometimes, but i though that's what friends did, they shared that info. of course, maybe b doesn't want to know about my stuff, she just wants to talk about hers. or maybe i talk too much about it? although again, i didn't think that i was complaining so much as explaining since no one seems to understand and everyone asks why. so i am purposely not going into details about personal things anymore. i might mention my stomach issues in  passing, or my headaches, or how i feel moody or out of sorts, or i will allude to my obsessions, but i am not going to explain anymore. and really, why do i need to explain. if anyone asks, i can just say "well you know how it goes" and leave it at that (unless i think of a better reply). i certainly don't want to become one of those women who only has bad things to say about everything and only talks about their aches and pains and woes. how depressing and annoying would that be!!  :-(

~the end~