and it lies within

the biggest lie?

well maybe not the biggest, but the longer running ones. the small ones that you tell to yourself everyday? i'll get up earlier today. i'll spend more time with the kids/myself/my friends/reading/writing/in prayer....and so on.

and what lies (pun intended) within all these little lies? the need to do it all better faster longer higher slower than ever before. it's a lie to yourself, to myself. so spend the time with your kids, when you can! do the laundry when you can. read your book when you can and stop competing to read as much as the pal in australia who reads 150 books a year. (how does she do that with two kids, a job and go to school? does she sleep?).

i would like to give up doing things for other people, to impress them. that's my "no lie" for this year. i am not going to keep my mouth shut (lie to myself). i am going to tell it as closely to the truth as possible. i am going to own it, cos it's mine after all.

there are a few lies i will keep going. the ones that i keep to myself, the lies of omission. the missing facts from my past, that are, after all, really not that important to tell now, after 20some odd years. the important people know. the lies that are my own business. the lies that i know exist and i keep for my own sanity and for the need to keep some part of myself secret. to not share those nasty bits, the unkind scary bits better left unknown for those who didn't care who probably wouldn't know what to do with them or how to handle them.

 ~the end~