imagined

there he is again, just at the edge of her consciousness
underneath the reality that she sees
blue eyes
or brown?
he looks away, just enough to catch her attention
not really seeing her but looking out
for her?
for someone?
the bell rings and another walks past
distracting her from the image just outside
the window fogged over and the rain slides down
pools at her feet and runs to the bricks in the centre

 ~the end~

a note, of sorts

write a letter to yourself a year from now. what things are happening right now that you won't want yourself to forget?

she would want to remember the feelings of frustration over not being able to get things done in a timely manner. and the need to have it all done now and not later.

she would want to recall watching her oldest son get taller than herself. and his attitude change from child to adult and then back to child in the blink of an eye. she would want to remember how pretty the snow looked on the ground when it reflected in the very early morning winter sunshine. she would want to remember how beautiful her daughter looked and how proud she was of her when she went up on stage so bravely and gave her reply to the actress on stage.

she would want to remember the winter music concert and how her son was first trumpet and how proud he was of that, and how proud she was! how impish her youngest son was and how truly funny he was as well.

she would want to remember how much her second born tried to make everything work out right and how hard he worked to help his younger siblings get things right. and how sweet he was!
 ~the end~

where's it gone?

finally the end of a long and rather blah week. quiet and calm which is probably good given that next week will be rather busy and hectic. nice to not have any snow this past week and to have some warmer temps as well. saw some sunshine and even the grass is uncovered in places around town!

i know i said i was going to do an image prompt but i just cannot seem to put thoughts to keys on that one, not tonight anyway. this must be my less productive creative week. i cannot even get the words on paper since i am so distracted. it's not ideal, but i'm assuming the mojo will return in a few days. i was writing ahead but that's not been happening much anymore.

i'm like that crazy sleeping tablet commercial -- "if your racing thoughts are keeping you awake", those thoughts just surround me day in and day out.

*eta-- and now the darn posts aren't posting when i email them so i have to come back and put copy/paste them from my email, they're getting lost in email oblivion apparently, blah*

 ~the end~

yippeee!

found my book out in the garage this morning!! must have left it out there on the shelf when i was waiting to get the girl off the bus!! she was sick and so i rushed her indoors and totally forgot. glad i found it, not that i've had time to read today. between the doc and the pampering and the valentines and the homework and the dinner...yeah, right, read? what IS that!!

i miss summer! i could read in summer! i could sleep in summer!! okay, yeah, it was HOT and we were always covered in sunscreen, but at least we could go outside and sit, go to the park, the playground, for a walk!

totally over this winter lark!!
done it!!

38 days till spring...or at least till something that resembles spring returns! not too long! ;-)

tomorrow i am totally going to do a prompt writing on that rocker chair porch picture...it's SO pretty!!

and ooh, someone's been visiting my little blog here...HI!!! :-)


 ~the end~

not today you won't

i hate when the kids are sick. i hate when i am sick at the same time! mama isn't allowed to be sick. it's not in the rulebook. the boys are easy compared to when the pinkgirly is sick. i hate that she IS sick of course. i want her to be well. i want her to go to school for the big 100th day celebration. but she's SICK! :-(


and i feel gross still. and my tooth, that the darn dentist fixed, hurts!


i hate dentists.


i just wanna be sick, all by myself!


SERIOUSLY!!!


~the end~

so...

so what was, never will be again? a quote from some movie or tv show i've watched probably. it only ever makes sense in my head. i guess it always ever will. i don't know why i try to keep making it work when the way it's going is probably just fine! let them be the way they are, and then move on to whatever else there is!!!


~the end~

wotsit

this is me, with my heart shaped rose coloured glasses. peering into the world hoping and praying that the person who peers back at me has some idea how to make me smile. how to make me happy is such a hard thing lately. it feels as though it's an ongoing issue, even more so now that i am a grown up than when i was a child.




~the end~

walkingincircles

well that was a totally strange get together. it was fine for a bit, but then suddenly it just fell apart. i felt attacked by B and i can't understand why she brought up something from so long ago. and why must she always compare everyone to SJ!! i think she's the one who has the basket of friends, with room for one only when she pushes one out onto the floor!! she sure does have enough to say to everyone else and about everyone else. but i knew this already.

and the whole "turn left" meaning "turn right"! omg. come on already!

so let's see next time if i take the time to go out of my way to pick her up. she can just meet us somewhere!!

and then S with her zingers. and then "i'm sorry" this morning...i don't want to say anything to her ever cos she bursts into freaking tears at the drop of a hat.

i just cannot be bothered with any of them. at all.

i'm wondering if i can just email D and try to meet up with HER cos we never seem to have these issues. and then they all want to go away overnight together? omg, NO, that is SO not gonna happen!


~the end~

the things we say

so what is everyone's obsession with me being nice? how come some people (okay, mostly i mean women) can say exactly what's on their minds and totally get away with it? how is it when someone says something unkind to me i keep my mouth shut and don't say what it is that i think??
why is my mil such a heartless mean spirited evil biotch?? i know the reason i don't say anything mean back to her, eventhough i deserve to tell her off repeatedly!! my mother taught me to be polite and kind to older people since they deserve our respect! and i know my mil taught her children well since they are all good people but why she is so nasty is beyond my understanding!!
~the end~

mooted rhetorically

so there it was! i wrote it all out, being kind, or at least a little kind. she just irritates me!! i haven't sent it yet.

why should i have to defend myself? why do i always have to be THE one!!

just shut up and get over it!!!

edited to add (eta) -
later:  i feel much better now. am sure i will not send it. although i might possibly send a very cleaned up version of it. i feel obliged to state my pov, but am not sure that doing so when i am upset is ever a good course of action!! no one else has really addressed her issues, it's usually me. and even S is getting fed up with it. though i'm not sure if that is all her, or my ranting/venting influence. what would i counsel myself to do???

 ~the end~