the lead up

the anticipation is the hard bit. the looking forward to, the what will happen on this day at this time. but it's usually so much less than we think it will be. the birthday that ends up being a dud, the expectations being that much more than the end product. so much of that is throughout life though.


people are who they are. personalities just do not change. even after life altering circumstances especially after life altering circumstances. a son dies. the father's life threatening illness gets better. the "things will change" morphs into a week of gratitude, which in turn morphs into nothing. the same prejudices return, the same narrow-mindedness or unkindness. the same lack of consideration and selfishness.


the friend who was there when her advice was needed. the friend who seemed of the same mind set, the same ilk as yourself. the friend who now suddenly seems so much different. from what? different circumstances on her side, or yours? is it your mind and attitude that changed, or hers? are you that much different? or is she? did the guard go down after you shared a secret or two. do you really trust her? or in the end, is it just really yourself you can trust, yourself you can rely on only?

~the end~