and it was...

visit with the family went better than expected. the kids played ran yelled and rough housed. but not too bad when the family is the same size as your own with the same amount of boys. it's amazing what spending time with another large family does to make life in my own house seem normal (or calm).

~the end~

and today is...

a non-productive week in some ways, yet a slightly productive week in others. reading and writing, blogging and thinking are all important parts of relaxing. at least for me they are. who says that going out and doing things is always the most important thing. though some days i would much rather stay indoors and read all day! or watch movies on wii netflix.

tomorrow we're taking the sprouts to the movies, that should be interesting!! and then home for lunch and out to visit family. the family bit i could do without. maybe it will go well. it will be better than if we had gone last week at least!! my mood has improved 100%, which is a good thing for the household!! ;-)

 ~the end~

snowy winter swirling flakes winter air bright sunshine cold hands warm cocoa wet mittens gloppy boots snowman snowangel snowball sled boots plow shovel iced trees

~the end~

all at once

christmas day seemed a bit off to start with this year. once my dad arrived, it felt more normal. we all felt his absence the night before, not having him here to read the night before christmas to the kids. he said he forgot he read to them! :-( and then he had to leave early cos of the snow, blah!

i am determined to spend time as a family this week though. we did some things today, not a lot but i think the kids needed a day to do nothing as it were. tomorrow is homework and reading and maybe some games day....and i have boring stuff like bills and laundry!! haha! :-(

the snow will keep most everyone else at home. so much for going out shopping or with my girlfriends to the pictures! maybe i can read some more. i need to finish these last two books for 2010. i wanted to reach a 60 book goal, but fell short :-( oh well!!


~the end~

not me

so many things happen that i want to write down. and i just do not. i need a self posting post it! the mobile blogging is fine so long as i remember to write it in an email and send!
general rather dull and usual observations...christmas has been odd this year. not sure if it's my mood (grumpy and non festive) or that i am not over summertime yet.
i think it's a combination of the two of those. everyone and everything seemed to bother me this month. i was my own best company these last four weeks, which doesn't say a lot for myself. i found it a lot easier to just remove myself from company than deal with the negativity of my own selfness.
i'm hoping things improve. if not, this will be me heading off to the doctor to get something actually medicinal to relieve the insanity.


~the end~

this is real life

she sees herself differently lately, she peers in the mirror and the reflection peeking back at her is not her own. she sees a stranger, full of anger, spite and vengeance. it is not her own self. it is a shadow of herself. not who she wants to be. not who she sees herself being. but this other person who is unknown to the rest of her life. suddenly, this evil twin sneaks out and wrecks her happier life for those days or weeks, sometimes a whole month. she shushes her and stuffs her full of herbs and minerals and caffeine and sometimes that quiets the monster, but the twin sneaks out again. rears her head and roars.
and she does not like it.
not at all!
 ~the end~

the lead up

the anticipation is the hard bit. the looking forward to, the what will happen on this day at this time. but it's usually so much less than we think it will be. the birthday that ends up being a dud, the expectations being that much more than the end product. so much of that is throughout life though.


people are who they are. personalities just do not change. even after life altering circumstances especially after life altering circumstances. a son dies. the father's life threatening illness gets better. the "things will change" morphs into a week of gratitude, which in turn morphs into nothing. the same prejudices return, the same narrow-mindedness or unkindness. the same lack of consideration and selfishness.


the friend who was there when her advice was needed. the friend who seemed of the same mind set, the same ilk as yourself. the friend who now suddenly seems so much different. from what? different circumstances on her side, or yours? is it your mind and attitude that changed, or hers? are you that much different? or is she? did the guard go down after you shared a secret or two. do you really trust her? or in the end, is it just really yourself you can trust, yourself you can rely on only?

~the end~

useless knowledge

watching the john lennon specials and hearing the beatles and lennon music reminded me how much i admire his/their music. i will have to download some of the cds we have onto my ipod. the lyrics are pretty wild at times. and sometimes they speak to me. lately a lot of lyrics seem appropriate to my life.

~the end~

she just doesn't get me and i'm sort of disappointed. although i am not totally surprised. the things we had in common, we still have in common, but the other stuff, she just doesn't fall into those interests. so i will just take a step back. having the holidays as an excuse will work for a bit, as well as the weather and general winter-ness with germs and what not.  so with any luck, i won't have to actually "see" her again until maybe feburary!! ;-)


the girls' event on sunday sort of surprised me, though sometimes i feel attacked on that front at times as well. i think perhaps i am just overly sensitive still this month, as i feel that way, on edge and on the ledge as it were. nothing seems to be coming together and nothing is going as planned.


but i will keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing my best to get by each day. get myself out of bed in the morning and get thru all of my tasks and events for the days and weeks. until something interesting comes along to brighten my life again.

~the end~

putting it off

so i just don't get that message! why tell us your woes with the old man and then turn around and accuse us of lack of support? how much hand holding does she need. and why does it seem to fall to me when the best solution for us/me was to walk away & ignore. addressing it never did an ounce of good, that's for sure!! and at this point in my life i honestly cannot be arsed about it!! really now!!
so i have postponed replying, which i know is not the way to go. when it arrived i was in no mood to comment, i was just livid over it. i feel better today and will write a short something back.

~the end~